Sonatas III Gordon The Golfball

When Gordon The Golfball Came For A Visit

A Day In The Spotlight

Words by Khaetidawne and Brendan Quirk

Let me tell you all the story of “How Gordon came to be”
I was starting to get serious about photography
There were trends in taking pictures of “Just Ordinary Things”
Like close ups of toasters, sitting next to vases marked with – “Ming”

I decided I would shoot my apartment one cold night
An experiment with “Simple Things” using shadows and the light
Just a “Series of Simplicity”; shades of Silver, Black and White...
But my “Artistic Sensibilities” were injured! My Soul screamed, “This isn't right!”

While I thought of my “Project” being “Simple Things” before,
I now realized, I surely wanted more
Photographing ordinary objects and enlarging them, to me
Wasn't quite enough of a statement, it wasn't “Art” enough for me

“I'm the Artist” – I thought, “I decide what ‘My Artistic Message’ is to be...”
In that moment - I saw the golf ball – “Top-Flite #7” was he
That's when “Simple Things” became a story; T.F. 7 got a voice and personality
He got a grand tour of a small apartment; T.F. 7 told his story - to me...

On his tour and overnight stay, T.F. 7 learned of Photography, Art and Music
T.F. 7 lived a day in “The Land of Humankind”; cracking jokes - but he could surely see
That sarcastic little guy, only one golf ball high, showed me how much modern people lack
When it comes down to the art of seeing, of being the “human” in “Humanity”

Who loves a golf ball? Do they have a real life?
Golfball friends, Golfball families, courting, Golfball husbands and wives?
Wee little Golfball children? How about that?
What would Daddy Golfball do after watching Wife or Baby getting whacked?

But once in awhile, into one golf ball's life
There comes a personality, a story, a light
That goes on in the darkness to brighten the path
To lift the spirits, kick up the crabbiness, or just to make people laugh...

Gordon's crabby, but hopeful, realistic, and bright,
So I gave him a tour on that cold winter night
I hope I captured his brief time in the light
So here's to my good friend, Gordon #7,
The Earl of Top-Flite.

Arrival - The Tour
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When Gordon from Top-Flite rolled up for a visit He knocked on my door, and I called out, "What is it?" He said, "Not 'What' but 'Who', you invited me long ago, When you were a caddy, but eight sibs! I said NO!” “At the club yesterday, I heard you tell Jack You had an apartment. You're away from the pack! Since I know all the balls who sleep in your sack I thought I'd come for a tour, keep it simple, just give me the facts.”	Hey! I'm on your doorknob! Don't knock me down I'm a Golfball you know, don't whack me around!” Gordon jumped into my shoe, and said, with relief, “Good Man! In your home you're not wearing cleats!"
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He looked up at me and asked, "Where's your hospitality? It's hellishly cold and snowing out!!! Turn the heat up for me!!! The warmest place in here is where I need to be!" I set him on the heater, and I turned it up fast. It was under the window, he said, "Man! I'm in a draft! I should have just hitched a ride in your sack!" I said, "You mean my golf bag?", then prepared for his attack - "I rolled all the way here bare-foot and bare-assed!"	The Golfball was shivering, but he was warming up His temper improved, and his hunger was up. "I'm sorry for my anger", said Gordon, "I'm beat. I've had multiple head-bangs, do you have food to eat?" Gordon in the kitchen sees all the cupboards; I said, "Let's look in my kitchen! What I have is yours. I know things are tight, I know you’ve been quite poor, So come with me Gordon, I’ll give you the grand tour.”
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I promised he could pick out a nice snack for a treat "Tonight we'll have pizza, and beer, and bananas to eat." "You have bananas IN banana peels? Just hanging around! We usually only get the old peels on the ground!”	I told him to go ahead and find whatever he wished Gordon toured every cupboard, he inspected each dish. In the kitchen I showed him my stove, its burners, the grates. Gordon checked it all out, he couldn't wait.
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He enjoyed touring everywhere, (though the kitchen was small) To a Golfball my kitchen was as grand as a hall. He looked over everything with a curious air, The microwave, the broiler, the cupboards, the Frigidaire...	He was inside my freezer and looking around, Then he got cold and he asked to be taken down. He rolled up to the “Water Trap” to get a nice drink. I had to explain this was my “Kitchen Sink.”
Party Preparations
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I told him, "Let's wash up before we both eat." Then I asked him if he'd decided on his special treat. "Wash up?" he complained, "I went through the snow!" I said, "Here, use the sink, it's warm water, that's the way to go!"	Grumbling, Gordon rolled in, sinking into the drain. "An indoor water trap, what a pain." The hot water had warmed the dishtowel, and when I had dried Gordon his spirits lifted again.
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"Let's continue that tour now, Gordon." I said. “This is my exercise space; you can work out with me." "I'll spot for you", said Gordon, "heavy weights make me afraid." "Sure!” I told Gordon, "But you just jump rope, don’t mind me."	He rolled into the space where my books and records were kept. When I told him what they were, Gordon wiggled and leapt. “Can I hear them?" he asked. Then he laughed and told me "You can't guess how unsophisticated we Golfballs all used to be.”
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Of course he found my stereo, and he begged me so, He put on my earphones, I couldn't say no. First he sat still to listen, then he had to show That even Golfballs could dance and had “Get up and Go.”
The Entertainment
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“Let’s have some entertainment, something to see, Your TV needs adjustment, there’s no picture for me.” He sat on top of the TV where I’d placed him you see, And twisted and thumped ‘til “The Pictures” came to be.	While getting snacks the phone rang, and Gordon answered it; I knew good old Gordon would give the caller some lip. He said “Unless you are a Golfball, go take a flip - Right now you’re less important than the chips and the dip!”
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As I put in the pizza and poured beers to drink, My cat, Cornie, came out to eat by the sink. Gordon wanted to pet her, I was surprised. Cornie was too, just look into her eyes.	“What are we watching?" Gordon asked me. “The Unsinkable Molly Brown, there's nothing else on TV.” From the clock Gordon told me, "I don't want to be late. I want to see the whole thing right out of the gate.”
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"I call dibs on the big chair for when we watch TV." Gordon jumped into the lounge chair and called out to me: “I'm small, so maybe you can share it with me!" Then, perhaps, feeling pushy, said, “Unless you have a spare tee...”	I brought in popcorn, pizza, beers, and a tee. I sat down with Gordon and turned on the TV. We ate and we drank and Gordon got all involved, Gordon had so much beer his head began to revolve!
The Consequences
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Gordon had his share of the pizza, popcorn and beer too; Golfballs, just like people, learn that beer likes to flow through. Gordon on the toilet, “Don’t stare like that! It’s not like I'm an art piece by Marcel Duchamps!”	"Get me off of this water trap! Do you want me to drown?” Gordon’s drunken behavior gave me a frown. Gordon climbed on my lamp shouting “Hey! Look at me! In a Lampshade Hat! I’m Lit! Don’t you see!”
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“Do you have an alarm clock?” then Gordon had to say. “I have to get back to the club early, so set it, okay? Tomorrow is brutal, it's professional’s day, But the whacks will be easier, when I feel this way.”	I told him, "I sleep under the covers, YOU sleep on top!" Gordon was still fractious; his motor wouldn’t stop. "Tomorrow’s high will be 50, maybe the snow won’t be so deep.” He looked at the clock, but the drink wouldn’t let him sleep.
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He wandered the apartment singing, the drunken little bum, He shrieked at my “Sneaky Snake” statue with great fun. "This is a Golfball roller coaster! I'm Gordon, look at ME!" Sliding right down the neck, he yelled, "WHEEEEEEEE!!!!"	He spotted the water pipe I got from the guys next door, He was the first one to use it; just steam, nothing more. It seemed to relax him; he warmed up, I thought he went to bed. At least I got no more lip from him; he slept like the dead.
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In the morning I found him in the freezer, all covered with ice. I asked, “What are you doing, that can't feel too nice!” He said, “I'm getting acclimated, it's a long way to the club. It won't be 50 till noon, so, in the snow I must trudge.”	I said, “Warm up Gordon, I’ll get dressed in my suit. I'll take you to the club, in my pocket you'll scoot. You'll stay warm and toasty all the way there. I'll even bring you inside; you'll avoid the cold air.”
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But before we left, I really felt that I'd need A memento of Gordon's visit, and with some speed. I set up my studio lights in quite some great haste, Then I set up my camera, and Gordon, with no time to waste. Come on, Gordon from Top-Flite, Lord of the Seventh Hole, I'm taking your picture - for you, fame will unfold. Then Gordon posed proudly on my modeling lamp, And gave his tour and his life a grand approval stamp.